I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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