Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Say something about gay babies.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
