and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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