my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
