I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
