I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
