You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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