I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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