I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize