How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
