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she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
