So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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