i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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