I puked a lego.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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