how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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