i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
