Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
