I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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