dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
