I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
