I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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