is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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