If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
