You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
