i don't like sucking hair
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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