i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
