I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
