we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
