The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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