Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
