Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
