i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
