Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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