I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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