I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
