My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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