i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
