mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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