made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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