yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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