Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
