Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
