It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she looked like the before picture.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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