At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
