Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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