They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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