One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
