At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
