you would pick up someone in the library
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
