What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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