She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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