mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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