Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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