People in love make me want to vomit
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
