i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
