So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
