I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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