Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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