I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Enjoy the penises
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
