Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
