i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
