so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
