no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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