Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
