Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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