I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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