I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
