you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
