All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
