but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
